Understanding Abuse
“Abuse involves hurting, demeaning, and controlling others, and often the worst types of abuse take place within families. Abuse comes in many forms, has many causes, is common, and can have profound consequences.”
Abuse is a hard subject to talk about. But is affects so many people in many different ways. Abuse in families goes all the way back to Cain and Abel where Cain murdered his brother. Through history there is knowledge of abuse in families, but it wasn’t until the 1800s that the United States recognized child abuse in the family.
There are many different types of abuse. I bet you can think of a few. Physical, sexual, emotional, verbal even spiritual. Abuse doesn’t only harm the body, but it is very harmful to the mind as well. The chapter tells us that abuse can cause “confusion, doubt, mistrust, guilt and fear” and it’s important to recognize the differences in severity.
I recently wrote for an assignment in a class about how during my marriage things would happen and I would think to myself “would this be considered abuse.” I wasn’t sure. I didn’t know. I couldn’t think for myself and until I got out of the marriage, I couldn’t see how the treatment I was getting was affecting every part of my life. It can be hard for those of us in a situation to see if certain treatment is abusive and especially if it’s not physical or sexual. Emotional and verbal abuse like in my case can be really hard to recognize. I remember one specific time after I had just had our last baby, I had invited a friend and her family over for dinner one Sunday night because she had been such a huge help for me after the baby was born and I don’t even remember what happened with the kids to make my husband mad but he was angry and yelling and said “I can’t stand our kids because they act exactly like you” I very distinctly remember to this day standing in my dining room getting ready for our friends to come any second wondering “is what he just said to me abuse”. I didn’t know and because I didn’t know, I allowed those kinds of words to keep being said to me.
We read about child abuse and neglect. Did you know that neglect and maltreatment is the largest form of child abuse in the United States? The Savior taught, that those who use their agency to abuse others will suffer. Think about your children if you have them and how you want them to be treated. Do you have the ability to care for them properly and are you aware of those around them who might not be so nice.
Spanking children has been accepted for a long time in the United States and as we do it more often, it becomes less think-less and more of a habit. It becomes the thing we do when our children act out or do something wrong. Think about it the next time you want to spank your child.
There are so many forms of abuse that need to be talked about. That need to have more awareness and not be taboo. I could write pages and pages on this blog about all the different issues and types of abuse that people suffer. I could talk for hours about the victims and the abusers. I guess what we need to know is what we can do to help.
“Family violence is viewed as a private affair in which authorities should not be involved and in some countries, the victims of sexual abuse may be silenced, constrained to marry an abuser, or even are even killed by relatives in the name of family honor.”
We need to help decrease the previlance of child abuse and any abuse. We can support local and national agencies, support programs that address causes, we can volunteer as advocates or foster parents. There are interventions that are focusing on abuse and putting children in preventative situations.
It is possible to recover from abuse. It’s not easy, the process can be hard but there is so much help out there and so many different formats in how to get help.
One last thing it says in this chapter “I had never really understood the healing power of the Atonement. I had no idea how personal and penetration it could be, no idea that it could heal my broken heart and take away the pain and hurt and anger and bitterness that I had been feeling for so many years”. This is so hurtful to hear but it gives us that knowledge and understanding that we can and will be blessed by the Atonement of Christ and that we can he healed and happy in our lives. Through the power of Jesus Christ healing is possible.
Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). Successful marriages and families. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.
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