Repentance and Forgiveness

Repentance or asking for forgiveness can sometimes be scary. In chapter 20 of the book Successful Marriages and Families it tell us “Repentance and forgiveness are two sides of the same coin and are frequently addressed together. for example, apologies facilitate forgiveness, and forgiveness motivates repentance.” When we think of repentance and forgiveness in families, we know its a process where we have to support each other and be committed to the family. 

We learned that there are different factors that can influence forgiveness.

1. Situational factors-intention of harm, repetition of offense 
2. Relational factors- offender’s identity and his or her proximity with the victim
3. Personality factors- anger, neuroticism and rumination

Most of us think of repentance and forgiveness as religious issues but really we can’t have healthy emotional and physical well-being without having considering these two acts. 

Repentance is a process. It’s a process that we at times in our lives have to decide if we can work through by ourselves with the help of God or if we need to involve our bishop or another leader. In order to go through this process, we have to be willing to learn and change. 

In my life I have had a few times where repentance was necessary. The hardest part

 of the process for me has been having to talk to my bishop about the situation but usually immediately after I have let out what every the issues was, I feel 100 times better. All the holding on to guilt and sin have such a huge hold on your heart that in my opinion you really can’t have true repentance or forgive someone until you have let go of that weight. 

I wish I could go over everything that is in this chapter because there is so much good information that would be helpful to everyone going through this process. The book offers a list of ways to experience the repentance process with healing and forgiveness. 

I know for me that hardest part of forgiving is forgetting. When I think about my divorce and all that I went through during my marriage, I have felt over the years that I had forgiven my ex-husband and I would say “I have forgiven you but that doesn’t mean that if have forgotten”. What I have since learned is that although I will probably never forgot how I felt during those years and in certain experiences that we had, I couldn’t truly forgive him until I let those things go and at least worked on forgetting and getting over those things. We are not married anymore so I don’t need to bring those items up ever again. Yes they have really shaped me and the way my life has ended up but they have also been the things that have taught me how I expect to be treated and loved by a future partner. 

“Repentance and forgiveness are divine expectations that are particularly relevant to family life. True healing comes only through experiencing the pain of loss and completing the tasks associated with repentance and forgiveness.” God has made it possible for us to be forgiven. He has given us the repentance process so that we can work through our atone for our sins just as Jesus Christ did for us. We are blessed as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to have the knowledge of this blessing so that we can work through or problems and be blessed. 


Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). Successful marriages and families. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.