Marriage in the Older Years

I loved these words from the chapter we read this week on Marriage in the older years. “Whether a couple is newly married or celebrating a 50th wedding anniversary, creating and maintaining a mutually satisfying, stable, vibrant marital relationship takes time, effort and a shared commitment about the importance of marriage.” 

We learn here that just because we have been married to our spouse for a long time doesn’t mean it gets easier or we can stop working on having a happy marriage. It doesnt’ mean that we have a perfect marriage or that we can stop showing our partner that we love and respect them. And having a long marriage doesn’t mean that the marriage comes without challenges.

Becoming empty nesters, retirement, physical decline and even the loss of a loved one are challenges that older couples have a difficult time with. Managing these difficult times requires all the love and support that the couple had developed throughout the years. Couples need each other for support and to lean on.  

“With age comes experience and perspective”. President Packer of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints said “ Life’s lessons some of them very painful. qualify [older adults] to counsel, to correct, and try to teach the practical things they have learned over the years to those who are younger to family and others.”

My parents are in their 70’s. I don’t look at them and think of them as old but I definitely see them as smarter, having had more experience, successful, with a lot to offer. My dad and step-mom are definitely where all of my siblings go for advice or questions. They both have so much to offer and so much life experience to share. They are a huge source of help and information to us. My mom is still motherly, still takes care of everyone and offers any service that she can to others. They are all full of perspective and have so much to offer even at older ages. Even in second marriages (although my step-father passed away many years ago) my parents have been married for over 30 years. They have had happy and successful second marriages with a big, amazing blended family and because they have all be through so many different experience in their marriages they are a huge resource not just to our family but to they community they live in and even the LDS community in Utah. 

The last part of the chapter says it so well “as we mature in our marriages, we can have faith that with God all thing are possible. Commitment, tenacity and faith are required to confront successfully the many challenges faces by mature married couples. The works of righteousness including peace in this life and eternal life in the world to come are within reach of all older couples who are willing to consistently apply principles that lead to the formation of a safe haven and a secure bond in  marriage.”

I feel so blessed to have amazing role models and people to look up to who have had long, successful marriages. I can only hope that someday I will have to opportunity to remarry and be live to an old age with a man that I love and someone that I can gain experience and perspective with that we can share with others. 

Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). Successful marriages and families. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.